Smart Men Do Tango

Why Tango is Better than Online or Speed Dating

By Mark Andersen

I live in San Francisco and years ago I was about to go to Tahiti with a friend for vacation.  When she had to cancel I was really disappointed at first, but then I realized this was a perfect opportunity to finally go to Buenos Aires.  I’d been a tango admirer for years–never having the nerve to try it, but watching with fascination from afar.  So, off I went to spend one week in Buenos Aires where I didn’t dance one step of tango, but I went to tango dances (Milongas) mesmerized every night just to watch this incredible dance.  

Finally, I started tangoing three years ago in San Francisco and I’ve been addicted ever since (I normally go three or four nights a week).  Why did I start tango dancing?  In the beginning my goal wasn’t really to meet someone, but I realized very quickly that what people learn on the dance floor can lead to making great friends and in some cases even finding love if the connection is right.  If more men discovered what I’ve felt on the dance floor, they’d all be flocking to tango because there are normally more women than men at Milongas.  Not only is tango great fun (who wouldn’t enjoy dancing in a close embrace!), but I also believe it’s the best way to get to know someone.  You can tell things about a potential boyfriend/girlfriend from tango that you just can’t decipher from online dating.

A close friend of mine met a guy recently through online dating and he made a fine first impression online. He had an interesting online profile, he was friendly in his emails and he seemed like a nice, smart guy. They exchanged photos and my friend was thinking about possibly meeting him.

Then one night I talked my friend into taking her first tango class and we went together. We walked into the class and immediately she recognized the guy she’d been emailing! The class started and my friend rotated to the guy, but he didn’t recognize her.

And now here’s where it gets really interesting.

They started their first tango together and she could tell just halfway through it that she could never date this guy. He was “bossy” and every time they made a mistake she could tell through his unspoken frustration with her that he felt those missteps were her fault, not theirs, and certainly not his.

Their tango ended and so did any possibility of my friend ever going out with this guy. My friend was able to pick up deeper truths about their compatibility (or lack thereof) from a 3-minute tango than was possible from the combination of his online profile, emails and photos.

Tango also trumps speed dating as well. I’ll admit I’ve never tried speed dating and a lot of folks that tango are either married, in a relationship, or single, but not looking. They come to Milongas because they love to tango and meet great people. But there are some single folks who are open to meeting the right person and for any of you thinking of trying speed dating instead, let me tell you that tango is the answer. Why? We’ll let’s do a comparison for fun:

What’s going on?
Speed dating: Two people who have never met sit across from each other for three minutes
Tango: Two people who have never met take each other into a close embrace and tango for three minutes

What happens after three minutes?
Speed dating: Even if you want to keep talking to the person, you have to move to the next person. The system dictates.
Tango: After the first tango, you get three more! Then comes the cortina, but you can always dance another tanda or find each other later for more tango. You and your partner decide.

Sounds of the evening
Speed dating: Every three minutes someone rings a bell
Tango: You get to enjoy hours of great tango music from Di Sarli, Pugliese, Gardel, Gotan Project, Trio Garufa…

What happens if the two people aren’t interested in being more than friends?
Speed dating: Nothing. Contact info is only exchanged for those interested in dating.
Tango: Great! That’s the norm anyway–just keep tangoing & enjoy your new friendship. I’ve made more new friends over the past year from tango than from anything else in life.

What will tango tell me about compatibility? Dance a tango together and then ask yourself these questions:
-How well do you work together?
-Is your tango based on give and take?
-How do you both react when the inevitable challenges arise (you step on your partner’s foot, a couple bumps into you, you just aren’t feeling a certain tango and you have a bad dance…)? Does this cause tension between the two of you or do you both laugh it off?
-How comfortable are you two in a close embrace?

Winner?
It’s tango by a TKO! I could go on but this feels like piling on. If this was a little league baseball game it would be called by the “mercy rule.”