How’s Your Frog-dar?

Spotting a Frog Online!

By Dara Holland, Dating Diva Daily contributor

It has often been said you have to kiss a lot of frogs before meeting your handsome prince.  But, even if the saying is true, why kiss more frogs than necessary?  Keeping frog encounters to a minimum should be a desirable goal, because dating unsuitable men prevents you from meeting that guy of your dreams—and keeps you “knee-deep!” in muck and slime. 

Assuming your prince quest takes you online, you’d best know how to spot a cyber frog, so you can wade past as many lily pad profiles as possible and steady your course to the castle.  The less time wasted on amphibians the better. 

With that in mind, we did an informal Dating Diva Daily reader poll to determine the best ways to spot a slippery one online. It seems that for the single woman looking for a quality guy, a “frog” is a man who engages in deceptive, angry, troubled, and otherwise insecure behavior.  His words and actions telegraph that he is a commitment-phobe, or simply not date ready.  In short, he’s a guy with issues, and a bad choice if you’re seeking a healthy relationship. 

Just what should you do if you encounter a frog in the kingdoms of Match, eHarmony, and Plenty of Fish? Well, being aware of certain breeds will quickly improve your frog-dar. Frog species to look for in the online dating variety include (but are not limited to): 

• Players – These toads often feature themselves alongside attractive women “friends” in their photos, usually in party or bar settings.  The message:   “I’m a chick magnet, and everyone wants to be with me.”  In their bios, players say things like, “I’m here to meet a fun girl and have a good time.”  Translation:  “I don’t want to be tied down.” 

• Narcissists – Post many photos where they are showcased either alone or with pets, expensive toys, or in a moment of half-naked athletic glory.  These bios tend to be long and overuse the word “I” and “my,” triggering a croaking chorus of “Me, me, me” in your head.        
• Walking Wounded – May have no more than a single photo in which they appear sad and forlorn, or are looking off into the distance—most likely for their lady in shining armor.   They typically share about exes, bad dates, or other losses in their bios, and/or complain about the lack of good women “out there.”  Chances are what they really need is healing time and a good therapist.     

If a frog happens to hop your way by initiating contact, it is best to send a brief reply.  A polite response such as “While I appreciate the interest, I’m sorry, but I just don’t sense we are a match” does the job nicely, eliminating any need for further communication.

There are plenty of occasions, however, where the frog-dar doesn’t go off until you exchange a few emails with a guy or speak to him by phone.  Remember:  Frogs usually reveal themselves early on through their behavior!  But sometimes even dating divas are not paying full attention.   Instead, women sometimes get caught off guard, the frog-dar momentarily scrambled by attractive photos, charm, and a seemingly non-croaking voice.

Thankfully, a frog’s sliminess will become instantly detectable when he makes inappropriate comments or requests, or asks personal questions prematurely.  At one recent girls night out over wine and frog tales (no pun intended), a woman shared, “I’d swapped two friendly emails with this guy, when out of the blue he asks for a bikini shot—to see if I ‘measured up’!”  Another laughed, “Top this!  Some jerk asked in our first conversation if I give good phone sex, because he travels a lot, so only dates women who do!  I told him to go grab the K-Y, and then hung up on him!”  After rolling her eyes, a third friend contributed, “It was so obvious this man was going off his dating checklist, with rapid-fire questions like, ‘How many men have you gone out with?  Why does your profile say you’re online so much?’  Instead of a fun first date, it felt like I was interviewing to be his girlfriend—who he was putting on the defensive for dating in the first place!”  Yowza.  That last one sounds like a common variety Insecurity Projector frog.  They display jealous tendencies, along with many other, um, issues.       

More amphibious warning signs?  How about meeting up for that coffee date and barely recognizing him, because it turns out your date’s pictures were taken 8 years, 40 pounds, and a full head of hair ago?  (Deception) 

Or, arriving at the restaurant to find a date who’s already drinking, won’t stand to greet you, and soon begins a diatribe about women who use men—specifically, to pick up the bar and food tab? (Anger, in the form of rudeness and disrespect)

Sometimes it’s easy to spy an online frog from afar; other times, it takes a closer look to identify bulging eyes and bumpy skin.  But, once you know you’ve encountered a frog, you need to cut your losses and get back on the path to the prince.  So, put down Croaky gently and pat him on the head with a kindly delivered goodbye—that, ideally, involves NO kissing (not even a brush of the lips!), lest he whip out his long tongue and pull you in like a fly.  Step out of the muck and away from the lily pad.  Re-chart your course.  With any luck, you’ll soon see your prince beckoning from his castle profile, just beyond the pond. 

 

Dara Holland is a freelance writer based in Laguna Niguel, California (DaraWrites.com)