The Challenge of Dating as a Dating/Relationship Writer

The Challenge of Dating as a Dating/Relationship Writer

By Kimberly Dawn Neumann, Founder of DatingDivaDaily.com

So, this article originally ran on AOL’s Lemondrop.com. It seemed the perfect place to start here because it really is the life story of this Dating Diva. Here is the unedited version for your enjoyment. Future “Diva Diaries” posts will focus not only my thoughts as a dating/relationship expert navigating the dating world, but also topics that surface on the modern dating scene! Glad to have you along for the ride! XO KD

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“So, what do you do?” asks the cute guy across the bar from me. Okay, here we go…the moment of truth, I think as I flash him a winning smile but internally cringe.

For most people this would be an innocuous question. For me, it’s always a loaded one. At least when it comes to my dating life.

I actually love what I do. But try telling the guy you’re seeing –or even just flirting with –that  you’re a dating/relationship expert and writer with hundreds of articles and two relationship books to her name. It’s enough to make high-powered lawyers and banking CEOs blanch. I’m not kidding.

I usually respond with something vague like “I’m a writer” but if there is any interest beyond that and the guy is not a total social moron, he’ll eventually ask what I write about and that’s when it typically gets interesting. He might really like the look of my legs in the miniskirt I’ve got on, but it probably won’t overrule the panic siren he hears when he gets to the point of discovering that my first book which came out in December 2008 is entitled The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He Will –or Won’t –Love, Honor and Marry You.

The irony is that I’m not sitting there analyzing the guy and thinking “Wow, he just failed the test I put into Chapter 10.”  More likely I’m simply trying to decide if I think he’s hot enough to want to kiss madly and passionately after a cocktail or two.

Unfortunately, the first thing that usually crosses his mind is, “Is she doing research right now?” Okay fine, the answer is “yes” – I am researching your workout habits to see if you might have washboard abs. Satisfied?

Then the next thing he assumes is that I’m a man-basher (au contraire…if you read my books you’ll see they’re very balanced, researched and psychologically based). And if we’re still speaking at that point, then he decides I’m trying to get him to marry me. Ummm…not making a mad dash for the alter either here people.

To be fair, not every man reacts that way. So in some ways, I guess what I do helps me quickly separate the men from the boys. But I know that at some point, any guy I’m seeing does at least ponder if he’s ended up in my next article. Or what will happen if he really messes up. As if dating weren’t complicated enough!  Just throw in “My girlfriend is a dating/relationship writer” and see how messy it gets.

Seriously, however, while I’m armed with an arsenal of knowledge about dating, relating and men, I am still looking for my own someone special. I just haven’t found him yet. I thought I had once, but I was wrong…and yes, he ended up in my books (under pseudonyms of course!). So, I guess any man who dates me is taking a risk that he could become fodder for future musings on my part. That’s life…or at least, that’s my life. But my own Prince Charming will realize that it’s worth the risk because I’ll make his life amazing.

And don’t mistake this as desperation. I’m not frantically looking for just any man who is willing to date the dating expert. If anything, it may make me a little more selective. I know what I like. I know what I want. I spend an inordinate amount of time discussing relationships with people. I see what works, I see what doesn’t and I know what I crave…physically, mentally, emotionally.

Wouldn’t it be sad if the dating/relationship expert lost her ability to be a hopeless romantic? I think so. So, even with this latest wrinkle in my dating life, I haven’t stopped dreaming that my very own Prince Charming is still out there looking for me and that he’ll be completely undaunted at the prospect of showing up in something I write because he knows it will only be in a positive light. In other words, my Mr. Right is handsome, smart, athletic, and intrigued by what I do…not panicked.

And if a guy really captures my fancy well…I can always throw out the name of my second book, Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship without Leaving the Bedroom. That may not hook me Mr. Right but chances are instead of shouting “Check please” he’s instead ordering another round and asking if I need help with more research. If he’s really lucky, he might end up in Chapter 10 of my next book.